Get Wed Soon
A lot of people tell you wedding planning is going to be stressful and difficult. You think Oh, but not for me! I am chilled out and relaxed and cool, and I am just happy to be getting married to the person I love most in the world.
Haha. No, bitch.
Once again I have discovered I am not The Exception.
I am stressed.
I am sad.
And, in many ways I would like this experience to be over so I can just be married to the person I love and get on with the rest of our life.
Because I believe in exorcising my demons, here’s a list of my top wedding bugbears so far.
Fiancé has not been as involved in the planning as we’d hoped because he now needs to work two jobs for us to be able to get a mortgage some day. I should also have two jobs, but it turns out that ChatGPT has basically made that impossible. So I have one job and a huge pit of guilt instead1.
Fatphobia is worse than it ever has been, and I am the fattest I ever have been. I have not lost weight for the wedding, despite some well-intentioned efforts. I have only gotten bigger.2 Ozempic has completely shattered any belief I had in body positivity, as I’ve watched every spokesperson I’ve followed on the subject winnow themselves down to impossible smallness in the space of only nine months. There is part of me who is genuinely dreading seeing my own wedding pictures, which the me of two years ago would find incredulous.
I cried about shoes. This is humiliating to admit. Shoes.3
People don’t show up for you in the ways you’d expect and I now live in fear of being called a bridezilla, because misogyny is back, baby. No one’s about to call Fiancé a bridezilla.
Despite TikTok and Reels telling me the smaller cottage industries are desperate for support and funds, very few people seem to want to take my money. So many places and services just did not reply to me at all, or ghosted me after a short back and forth. The most efficient and pleasant? The “industrialised” places — the more commercial wedding dress shop I got my gown from were AMAZING; the staff were all so kind and experienced. The small boutique that “prided” itself on having plus-sized gowns? Cancelled my appointments last minute and told me I was too poor and too fat to shop there.4
Everything you need for a small, intimate wedding costs about £300. But you need about 25 things that cost £300. So that’s about £7.5k that you don’t even think about as you just dish it out in £300 increments.
My credit score went down. See above.
People in Gaza are not able to do any of this, because they are being murdered. But here I am, crying over shoes, because I am a bridezilla.
Excuse me, how much are caneeps? They are so tiny?
I do my makeup every single day, even when I am at home alone. It makes me very happy. But social media says “girl, you will NEVER be able to make yourself look good enough for bridal photography. You will look like a sad, fat gargoyle if you do your makeup yourself.” I am still going to try, but only because the MUA I wanted ghosted me.
There have been nice things too, plenty of them. But today is for gripes!
the guilt has renewed my longstanding relationship with IBS! which is fun!
to be kind to myself, this is because of a medication i decided to go on which has improved my quality of life so much that i can’t regret it.
in retrospect, i don’t regret this because the shoes in question are the most beautiful pair i’ve ever owned. and i can dye them and wear them again after this. they were worth a little bit of crying.
the shop assistant thought i had booked a “normal” gown appointment. not a fat girl appointment. because they have two different stores and only one has gowns that would fit someone over a size 12. which, in wedding gowns, is a size 8. yes, this is level of tomfoolery that some dress shops sink to.